I’ve not been in much of holiday spirit this year and would have preferred to lock myself away in my apartment rather than venture out and spend time with the family. But I’m glad that gritted my teeth and decided to venture out to Arizona non the less.Rather than flying, I joined my parents for a cross country ride to Avondale. You’re right, the trip could have turned murderous, but I have to say that I had a terrific time just relaxing with the book in the back seat while my dad drove. I’ve been craving to read something for a while now, but with computer always by my side, I end up working my time away rather than enjoying the simple pleasures of reading. My trip companions? “Book of the Dead” by Douglass Patterson - I devour anything Douglass puts to paper. I also brought with me “Blood Ties” by Jennifer Armintrout. I’m a major fan of Katie Macalister and her supernatural heroines and I thought Jennifer’s books held a similar flare and style I might like.

I gulped down the first novel on the way south trying to concentrate on the book and not on the car sickness I thought I grew out of since childhood. Alas, like some of my residual baby fat, I realized too late that it too plagues me still. I popped a few Dramamil pills which alleviated the stomach pains a bit and subsided the barf cravings through the trip.

I love my brother. True enough, we did not get along too well as kids, but as adults, I find it so much easier to talk to him than to almost anyone. Michelle, his wife, is spectacular. I love watching the two in their half hearted squabbles as they prepare food together or figure out who will take care of the kids next. I’ve grown very fond of Michelle and consider her a sister I’ve never had. We’ve learned to talk to each other openly, which can be difficult actually if you take her and my parents into consideration. So much passed between our families, yet here we are…. Friends.

Aniela is growing like a weed. She is gorgeous. My dad loves to play with her and she never resists her grandpas attentions. Zosia is just as beautiful. I’m having a fabulous time spoiling both of my nieces.

Wigilia went well, considering. Marriages were both parties want to hold on to their respective cultural backgrounds can be so very challenging, without involvement from their respective parents. Add the parents into the mix and you can have a disaster on your hands. Managing expectations and making sure that all parties involved are respected can simply be impossible when no one is willing to bend.

I’m very fond and proud of my Polish heritage and traditions that have been instilled in me. To many who are not familiar with my background my intricaticies can be considered absolutely alien, stupid or silly. I’m sometimes worried about that when considering my own future and eventual (if it ever happens) marriage.

I’m truly proud of Michelle and I doubt I would have been half as graceful as she was handling the demands of my family in her own house and I’m ashamed that such demands were made on her without any regards for her own traditions. My admiration and love has only grown for her as I’ve watched her keep her head up and proceed with cooking and augmenting her recipes to fit my mom’s whims. I have to say however that her Cioppino was the best I’ve had since perhaps the one that John and his family made. Just YUM. I wish we could have stayed for her Lasagna Christmas day

Bill showed up for Wigilia. It was nice to have him there to share the holiday with my family. He promptly left Christmas hay however.

Gift exchange was fun. My dad dressed as Santa and passed out the gift to the kids. That was a hoot. I was proud of Aniela. She did not cry, but take Santa by the hand, sat him down, passed out the presents to the family, sang for Santa. Considering how shy she can be, I was impressed with how she carried herself, even at her young age.

I was sad to leave, but, we with work and other expectations we started driving back on the 25th. The drive back I immersed myself in “Blood Ties.” The books are so hunting, the story line so very enticing. I’m impressed with how Jennifer weaved the story together. I most certainly love the new perspective on the Vampires and Lupine. But what I found for intriguing was her pulling together the relationship between her sires and eventually her fledgling. The pain, the self respect, the knowledge of love she craves to posses and eventual unwillingness to settle - boy can I ever relate.

Anyhoo… I missed my apartment and it was so wonderful to get back and slump under covers under the canopy of my four poster. I’ve been enjoyed the soothing comfort of my place. There is just such peace here. And I love being on my own. Being alone suck though, but I’m not complaining. This place is helping me recover some of my strength, get me back in shape. I needed to be on my own, self reliant for a while. This is the first step…. Wow, look at the time. Good night.

Last Thursday a whole bunch of gamers, press and AGEIA employees spent some four hours exchanging gun fire while playing NetDevil’s Warmonger: Operation Downtown Destruction. The game sports AGEIA PhysX card that enables an amazing level of destruction in the game. You can smash tall buildings into rubble, uncover hidden passages while hunting for your opponents, use smoke as cover. I enjoy seeing things go boom. Big reason why I enjoy working with AGEIA.

Beginning of this month I moved to a nice little apartment on the north side of downtown San Jose. Today I unpacked my last box, set up the last of shelves, made myself fully at home.

This change isn’t only about moving homes, it is also about moving on with my life. It is rather easy to get yourself into a “groove of things, but sometimes when you get into this state of mind you forget to look beyond today and the comfort you’ve made for yourself. It is a good idea to once in a while shake things up and re-evaluate if you’re on the path that will lead you to happiness you truly desire. I think I’ve reached that boiling point and I need to make some changes in my life.

But one thing at the time… the move is the first step to a new path of discovery.

Harbinger of my desires
You who stir my nightly fires
Offering dreams of sated pleasures
Why have you stooped to such measures?
Lover with passion filled
Disheveled thoughts my way you bring
My subconscious thoughts do pang
When with your lusty touch
In my dreams mine self you clutch
Yet every morn’ I wake
Stirred by the sun’s rays I extricate
My cold and lonely self
From the fancies in which my mind lingers
Alone I venture through the world
Aware of love I do not hold
Hating the loneliness by which I’m bound
Craving your touch and night’s devours…

Harbinger of my desires
You who stir my nightly fires
Offering dreams of sated pleasures
Why have you stooped to such measures?
Lover with passion filled
Disheveled thoughts my way you bring
My subconscious thoughts do pang
When with your lusty touch
In my dreams mine self you clutch
Yet every morn’ I wake
Stirred by the sun’s rays I extricate
My cold and lonely self
From the fancies in which my mind lingers
Alone I venture through the world
Aware of love I do not hold
Hating the loneliness by which I’m bound
Craving your touch and night’s devours…

Harbinger of my desires
You who stir my nightly fires
Offering dreams of sated pleasures
Why have you stooped to such measures?
Lover with passion filled
Disheveled thoughts my way you bring
My subconscious thoughts do pang
When with your lusty touch
In my dreams mine self you clutch
Yet every morn’ I wake
Stirred by the sun’s rays I extricate
My cold and lonely self
From the fancies in which my mind lingers
Alone I venture through the world
Aware of love I do not hold
Hating the loneliness by which I’m bound
Craving your touch and night’s devours…